Chapter 19

Values

 

Values are beliefs about what is good, right, and important - guiding principles that shape our choices, behaviors, and judgments about how life ought to be lived. They can either be born of social influences or be purely personal. Sometimes the words values and virtues are used as distinct from one another. The difference is that values are human aspirations, and virtues are human deeds. Hypocrisy can result when these two characteristics are out of sync. For the sake of this chapter, I will treat the two as synonymous and focus on the differentiation between social and individual values. There is certainly a Venn overlap between the social and individual aspects, but it is useful to consider their unique nature separately.

 Social Values

 Social values are answers to questions society asks of us for the sake of its health. These collective moral codes are reinforced by institutions – families, schools, religions, governments, and media – to sustain social cohesion. Below are many of these questions, along with what we must answer to be embraced by our tribemates. If our answers are at odds and we don’t hold the same values because we consider them wrong or they run counter to our own “selfish” values (individual needs and desires), there will be friction. As a result, we may be shunned or even outcast. In primitive societies, this was akin to a death sentence. So, to the greatest degree over time, humans have answered in the affirmative and have fit in (more or less) well enough. Here are the questions, the desired answers, and the associated values:

     “Can we trust you?”  “Yes. I am honest.” [Honesty]

·       “Will you contribute to the community with your talents and energy?”  “Yes.  I am skillful and industrious.” [Skill. Industry.]

·       “Will you give more to the community than you take?”  “Yes. I am frugal and generous.” [Frugality. Generosity.]

·       “Will you be a team-player and cooperate?”  “Yes. I am community oriented and committed.” [Engagement. Commitment.]

·       “Will you defend the community against aggressors?”  “Yes. I am courageous.” [Courage]

·       “Will you keep the community healthy?”  “Yes. I am clean and healthy.” [Cleanliness. Health.]

·       “Will you be kind to others?”  “Yes. I am empathetic and caring.” [Empathy. Caring.]

·       “Will you accept us for who we are and forgive our mistakes?”  “Yes. I am tolerant and merciful.” [Tolerance. Mercy.]

·       “Will you maintain the status quo and not upset our norms?”  “Yes. I respect traditions.” [Respectful. Conservative.]

·       “Will you be reliable and predictable?”  “Yes. I am disciplined and consistent.” [Discipline. Consistency. Punctuality.]

·       “Will you act wisely?”  “Yes. I am mindful.” [Wisdom. Mindfulness.]

·       “Will you enhance the aesthetics of our community?”  “Yes. I am creative.” [Creativity]

·       “Will you be pleasant and fun to be around?”  “Yes. I am friendly and playful.” [Friendliness. Playfulness.]

Perhaps you can think of other social values. But I submit that if you can answer honestly to all of the preceding questions, you will be a beloved pillar of your community.

Personal Values

Most Values and Virtues are relational in nature (see above). However, some are largely about individual agency – including the value of autonomy. They also include Freedom, Liberty, Happiness, and Individual Rights. These are not necessarily anti-social values. They are proclaimed in the U.S. Declaration of Independence and have been a foundational piece of the country’s success. Societies that agree about the optimal balance between social and individual rights are likely to thrive. 

Of course, there can be a disconnect between social and individual values and virtues. In Chapter 39, we will discuss selfishness. This attitude can lead to a disconnect between society and individuals. Think of the person who hoards food while his neighbors starve. However, for this chapter, let’s consider how an individual can hold values you or I would consider exemplary but that are at odds with their social group.

 In some cases, a tribe’s values may diverge when interacting with a foreign tribe. For example, in most instances members of a tribe value honesty amongst their own kind, yet accept, even encourage lying to members of adversarial tribes. At such times, this could cause stress for tribe members who prefer honesty at all times to all people. Or consider the Pacifist during times of war. Peer pressure will be exerted for that person to take up arms. (I speak from experience.)

Individual values held without, or despite, social pressure reflect conscience, authentic moral reasoning, or self-determined virtue. Here are a few examples:

  • Refusing to lie, even when everyone around you normalizes dishonesty
  • Defending an unpopular minority’s rights out of genuine empathy
  • Practicing kindness or humility without expectation of recognition
  • Choosing simplicity in a materialistic culture
  • Upholding personal integrity when pressured to conform

How does an individual come to buck society’s trends?

  • Self-reflection and moral reasoning
  • Empathy and universal compassion (humanist ethics)
  • Spiritual insight or inner conviction
  • Personal experience, such as exposure to other cultures.

I contend that a society’s health depends on a balance between the conformity of shared values for the sake of stability and tolerance of independent moral thinkers for the sake of reform and evolution. If this sounds a little Darwinian, it should. Societies demand conformity. Nature requires diversity. Survival is a balancing act.

In Chapter 66 we will suggest means of recalibrating our personal values. In our next chapter, we will examine the human nature factors that drive many of our personal values – Needs and Motivations.

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