Chapter 31
Choosing our Identities
Identity variation is one factor that makes our lives so interesting. For the sake of this chapter, let’s use a model that places thirty-three identity types into five groups, then consider the degree to which they are changeable. With a better understanding of that which we have the power to choose and what we had better accept, we can strategically employ a portion of the Serenity Prayer - “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference". Following these wise words, we might find peace with our own identities and a bit more tolerance for the identities of others. Here are the groupings:
- Core Identities are foundational, often biologically or historically rooted, and hard to alter
- Social and Relational Identities
are shaped by roles, groups, and social contexts. They are moderately changeable.
- Psychological and Moral Identities
reflect our inner self - the stories, beliefs, and values that define much of “Who
I am.” They are highly malleable.
- Socially Constructed or Contextual Identities
are defined by external recognition, performance, or setting and are very
changeable.
- Evolving and Reflective Identities are
how we see ourselves - our narrative self.
These are continuously evolving.
Below are examples of each of the groupings, a description of each example, and (in the third column) the degree to which they are changeable.
Core Identities
|
Genetic Sex / Biological Characteristics |
Chromosomal and biological factors (XX, XY, intersex
variations) |
Difficult (biologically fixed, though can be medically
transitioned) |
|
Age |
Chronological life stage |
Inevitable change, not voluntary |
|
Ethnic Heritage |
Ancestral lineage, cultural roots |
Fixed, though the interpretation of its meaning can change |
|
Early Temperament |
Innate emotional reactivity and energy patterns |
Largely stable |
|
Childhood Family History |
Family of origin, early environment |
Unchangeable, though its meaning can be reinterpreted |
|
Neurotype |
Cognitive or neurological pattern (e.g., ADHD, autism
spectrum) |
Stable, though self-perception and coping strategies can
evolve |
Social and Relational Identities
|
Gender Identity |
One’s internal sense of being male, female, both,
neither, or other |
Personal but deep; can evolve and be affirmed |
|
Sexual Orientation |
Enduring pattern of attraction |
Generally stable, but self-awareness and labels may
evolve
|
|
Family Roles |
Child, parent, sibling, caregiver |
Moderately changeable (life-stage dependent)
|
|
Cultural Identity |
Belonging to a culture or tradition |
Flexible in interpretation and degree of engagement
|
|
Religious or Spiritual Identity |
Beliefs, practices, worldview |
Highly changeable, though often deeply held
|
|
Political Identity |
Ideological alignment, civic beliefs |
Changeable with reflection or disillusionment
|
|
National Identity |
Connection to a country or state |
Changeable, though citizenship status may limit
flexibility
|
|
Community or Group Memberships |
Clubs, fandoms, professions, online communities |
Easily changeable |
|
Socioeconomic Identity |
Social class perception and access to resources |
Difficult structurally, but self-perception can shift |
Psychological and Moral Identities
|
Values and Beliefs |
Core convictions about right, wrong, meaning |
Changeable through experience, reflection, or trauma |
|
Moral Identity |
Self-image of being “a good person,” having integrity,
and being responsible |
Develops across a lifespan |
|
Purpose / Life Meaning |
Sense of mission or life direction |
Flexible but deeply personal |
|
Self-Esteem Identity |
How one values oneself |
Highly changeable |
|
Body Image / Self-Perception |
View of physical self |
Changeable through self-acceptance or experiences |
|
Personal Goals and Aspirations |
Desired achievements, life projects |
Easily changeable |
|
Worldview / Philosophy |
Framework for understanding life |
Changeable, especially after crises or exposure to new
ideas |
Socially Constructed or Contextual Identities
|
Career / Professional Role |
Occupation, expertise, vocation |
Highly changeable |
|
Educational Identity |
Student, scholar, autodidact, dropout |
Changeable |
|
Hobby or Passion Identity |
Artist, athlete, gamer, traveler |
Flexible |
|
Style / Aesthetic Identity |
Fashion, appearance, self-presentation |
Easily changeable |
|
Digital / Online Identity |
Avatars, usernames, social presence |
Instantly changeable |
|
Political Affiliation / Cause Membership |
Group-based activism or ideology |
Changeable |
|
Peer-Group Identity |
Friend circles, subcultures |
Flexible |
Evolving and Reflective Identities
|
Narrative Identity |
The story you tell about your life |
Continuously changeable |
|
Psychological Self-Concept |
“Who I believe I am” |
Always evolving |
|
Possible Selves |
Imagined versions of who we might become |
Infinite flexibility |
|
Moral and Existential Identity |
The sense of being accountable, human, alive |
Deep but developable |
For the remainder of this section, we will discuss the mechanisms of identity, how we display our identities, what happens when they clash, and how we can value them as much as life itself. In Chapter 74, we will explore how we can fine-tune some of our more problematic ones.