Chapter 36
You
are a social animal (except when you are not)
Humans survive, thrive, and find
meaning through social bonds. Our thoughts, behaviors, and even identities are
inseparable from the groups to which we belong. Early humans faced predators,
scarcity, and harsh environments. Cooperation - in hunting, foraging,
protecting the young, and sharing knowledge - offered a decisive evolutionary
advantage. Traits like empathy, communication, and group loyalty became
hardwired into our biology. Those who bonded and collaborated were more likely
to survive and pass on their genes.
Neurologically, the
human brain is wired for social life. Over millennia, the neocortex expanded to
manage complex group interactions. Chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, and
serotonin reinforce bonding, trust, and the pleasure of cooperation. Our
brains’ mirror neurons allow us to empathize, imitating others’ emotions and
actions - the neurological basis for compassion and learning.
Psychologically, humans have an
intrinsic need to belong. Relationships
reduce stress, improve health, and give life meaning. Loneliness, conversely,
is linked to anxiety, depression, and even shorter lifespans. Consider the fate
of prisoners held in solitary confinement. For most, this is the cruelest form
of punishment. Social identity theory shows that people derive self-esteem not
only from personal achievements but from the groups they belong to - families,
communities, nations, or belief systems.
Beyond biology, humans construct
cultures - systems of language, ritual, norms, and values that coordinate group
life. Culture allows humans to cooperate flexibly in large numbers, from
villages to cities to nations. Laws, religions, and moral codes extend
cooperation beyond kinship, binding strangers into communities through shared
meaning.
Exceptions
Even so, there are exceptions. As a
young adult, I found pleasure in living alone (aside from two cats) in a tent high on a
Colorado mountain, only to venture down the slope to build houses. However, in
the end, I discovered the life of a hermit was not for me. The fact is that
sociality exists on a spectrum.
Even
within species that are broadly social, there are always outliers who are more
solitary (i.e., “Lone wolf”). In terms of evolution, diversity in temperament
can strengthen the species. Just as highly social individuals help preserve and
propagate shared knowledge and resources, solitary individuals might survive
when group living exposes others to the dangers of disease and conflict. So, hermits
aren’t violations of human social nature - they are variations within it.
Certain psychological traits make solitude appealing or necessary for individuals:
- Introversion is a preference for low-stimulation environments.
- High openness or spiritual sensitivity leads some individuals to find deeper meaning in contemplation rather than interaction.
- Social anxiety or trauma causes some to withdraw because of perceived or remembered pain.
- Autonomy and self-sufficiency are motivators that are not antisocial tendencies but expressions of independence.
Throughout history, hermits have been revered, not pitied. Christian desert fathers, Buddhist monks, Hindu sadhus, Taoist recluses - all seek solitude to transcend ego and society. For them, withdrawal isn’t antisocial but meta-social - a path to understanding humanity by stepping outside of it. Solitude can heighten empathy, creativity, and moral reflection - returning to the social world later with clarity and compassion.
Modern life can make some people feel overstimulated or alienated - social media, crowds, noise, consumerism. Hermits, in this light, are a reaction to excess socialization, not a rejection of social existence itself. They represent the counterbalance to hyper-connectivity - a human need to recalibrate solitude and community. And an individual need not retreat to a full-time ashram to benefit from solitude. Spending an hour in a bubble bath, with earbuds in and the bathroom door locked, provides enough solitude for many to recharge and be ready for more social interactions. And if bubble baths are not your thing, the phrase “The happiest of all lives is in 'busy solitude'", attributed to Voltaire, suggests that true happiness and fulfillment come from engaging in meaningful activities while also embracing moments of quiet reflection and solitude. It highlights a balance between being productive and independent and finding joy in self-awareness, personal growth, and inner peace, rather than relying solely on external distractions or constant social interaction.
The
Rule
For
most, social engagement rather than sustained isolation is our preferred norm.
In the coming chapters, we will explore different configurations of interactions.
Each will have its own benefits and challenges. These are the realities of
human life that we can, at best, enjoy and at least survive.