Self-Reflection - Identities -Who Are You Becoming?
Related Chapters: Chapter 31 - Choosing our Identities • Chapter 74 - Sculpting our Identities
Unlike our temperament, which is largely inborn, and our personality, which becomes relatively stable early in life, our identities continue to evolve. They are shaped by our experiences, our relationships, our values, and, perhaps most importantly, our choices.
Some identities are inherited. Others are consciously chosen. Throughout life, we have repeated opportunities to examine the stories we tell about ourselves and decide whether they still reflect the person we wish to become.
This reflection is not about discovering a hidden "true self." It is about considering how intentionally you are shaping your identity.
For each statement, rate yourself using the following scale:
1 = Rarely 2 = Sometimes 3 = Often 4 = Almost Always
Write your score in the blank preceding each statement.
_______ 1. I have given thoughtful consideration to the kind of person I want to become.
_______ 2. My daily actions generally reflect the values I want my life to represent.
_______ 3. I periodically examine whether the stories I tell about myself are still accurate.
_______ 4. I am willing to let go of identities that no longer fit who I am becoming.
_______ 5. I recognize that I have many identities, and I choose which ones deserve the greatest importance.
_______ 6. I am open to changing my beliefs when new experiences deepen my understanding.
_______ 7. I try to spend time with people who encourage me to become a better version of myself.
_______ 8. I can acknowledge past mistakes without allowing them to define who I am today.
_______ 9. I intentionally practice habits that reinforce the person I hope to become.
_______ 10. I define myself more by my character than by my achievements, possessions, or social roles.
_______ 11. I recognize when an identity I once valued has begun to limit my growth.
_______ 12. I strive to make my public behavior consistent with my private values.
_______ 13. I believe personal growth is possible throughout life.
_______ 14. I see life's major transitions as opportunities to reshape my identity.
_______ 15. I am becoming more authentic as I grow older.
_______ 16. I have a reasonably clear vision of the person I hope to become.
Total Score: ________
Reflection Questions
Before reviewing your score, pause for a few moments and consider these questions:
- Which of your identities has had the greatest influence on your life?
- Which identity has brought you the greatest satisfaction?
- Is there an identity you have outgrown but continue to carry?
- What personal story about yourself deserves to be rewritten?
- Which daily habit most reinforces the person you hope to become?
- If someone who knows you well described your identity today, would it match the person you aspire to be?
- Looking ten years into the future, what identity would you most like to strengthen?
- What important question do you wish had been included?
Sometimes these questions are more revealing than any score.
Interpreting Your Score
49–64 – Intentionally Shaping Your Identity
Your responses suggest that you are actively engaged in becoming the person you hope to be. You appear willing to examine your assumptions, revise your self-understanding, and align your actions with your values. Rather than feeling trapped by past identities, you see growth as a lifelong process.
37–48 – Growing with Purpose
You appear to have a healthy awareness of your evolving identity, although some older roles, beliefs, or habits may occasionally compete with the person you wish to become. Continued reflection and intentional choices can help bring your identity and behavior into even closer alignment.
25–36 – Identity Still Largely Shaped by Circumstance
Your responses suggest that parts of your identity may still be guided more by habit, expectations, or past experiences than by deliberate choice. Becoming more aware of the stories you tell yourself—and asking whether they still serve you—can open new possibilities for personal growth.
16–24 – An Opportunity to Become the Author of Your Own Identity
Your responses suggest that you may often feel defined by circumstances, roles, or experiences rather than by conscious choice. Fortunately, identity is not fixed. Every day offers opportunities to revise old stories, develop new habits, and become more closely aligned with the person you hope to be. The most meaningful identities are not inherited—they are cultivated.
Reflection Notes (Optional)
Use this space to capture any thoughts, insights, questions, surprises, or intentions that came to mind while completing this reflection.
A Note About This Reflection
This reflection is not intended to determine who you are. It is an invitation to consider who you are becoming. Identity is not a destination reached once and forever; it is an ongoing process of growth, revision, and choice. Rather than focusing solely on your total score, notice the statements where you rated yourself highest. They may point to aspects of your identity that deserve your attention. We cannot rewrite our past, but we can continually reshape the story we tell ourselves about it—and, more importantly, the story we are writing with the choices we make today.